Ask HN: Working full time while also caring for an infant?

by pxhb on 10/4/2022, 8:33:51 PM with 4 comments
I work remotely for a very flexible company, and besides ever-increasing meetings,I can otherwise put in my 40 hrs whenever I want. My wife is in a professional degree program and can be very flexible outside of some mandatory in person classes. We are thinking about trying to delay daycare for as long as possible, mostly due to cost. I make just enough money for us to not get any breaks in childcare (government or through university), but it will significantly impact our finances. Unfortunately there is no family close by due to moving for my wife’s schooling. Originally I thought trying to work mostly odd hours and on the weekend was very feasible, but now about a week into sleepless nights I am starting to have doubts. Has anyone else successfully navigated a similar situation?

  • by felipebrnd on 10/5/2022, 3:38:02 AM

    I'm doing that right now, one thing I learned after my first child is: do your best to be efficient with some good level of effectiveness and deliver your expected output (which should already be reduced) in less time. E.g. Use the time for errands to think on how to approach a problem for example.

    Now on the second one, I'm doing sort of this schedule:

    - mornings to lunch is work time, my wife looks after the little one, the older one is at kindergarten - lunch is not short break, usually from noon to 2pm, time with the wife and with the little one - 4pm-ish full stop as the older one gets home, I don't accept meetings after this time - 8pm-ish bed routine, sleep 1hr-2hr or so with them - wake up, grind some work until hitting a goal - weekends: I do some prep work for the week, but is 3 hours tops in 2 days

    The little one is 1y old now, and this have being going like that for 6m or so, is it healthy? No, you need proper sleep time to be able to give care.

    Do I work 8h day? Definitely not, 8h is really rare right now.

    I've tried shifting my schedule to start very early, like waking 5-6am but I did not managed to switch.

    This does not work on the long term I believe, there were weeks where I fully skipped the night shift and only did the work I could during the day, as I felt that I wasn't able to give care and attention properly being tired.

  • by h2odragon on 10/4/2022, 8:40:16 PM

    It's possible, people do it; but I suggest reconsidering how much the other stuff in your life is worth once it gets between you and your kid. The kid is the reason for all the other things, not the other way around.

  • by lnwlebjel on 10/4/2022, 9:07:12 PM

    Having done basically this I can say I highly recommend not doing it. Reading your post brings up really awful feelings. Those two years were horribly stressful - I'm not sure I've fully recovered to be honest.

    Furthermore, the kid has needs too, and one of those is to occasionally get your full attention, and for you to not be stressed out. I'm not sure my kids have fully recovered either.

    I would use all the vacation, family leave, and sick time first, and then consider going into debt to get your wife through school.

  • by xupybd on 10/4/2022, 8:47:24 PM

    My son is 4 weeks old. My wife is now a stay at home mum. It's hard, at least the first few weeks. I can't imagine what it would be like if my wife was working.